Hi there! I wanted to talk about getting dumped and how to cope with the gruesome aftermath. These raw feelings and thoughts are hard to come to terms with at first. It’s something every college girl goes through at one point or another. I won’t be the first to say this, but it really, really sucks. I’ve been through breakups before and they never get easier. Regardless of how the long the relationship is, you’re losing a part of yourself. It’s strange to go to places you went together and realize how much everything has changed. Even the activities you did together aren’t that appealing to you anymore. Or, even just the thought of seeing your ex scares you to death. You feel everything, from sadness to anger to panic. I’m convinced it’s like those stages of grieving someone, for example. I’m pretty sure they are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Even though it’s related to death, I think it relates pretty well to breakup. Getting dumped can completely throw you for a loop. It always happens at the worst time, in the middle of life. I want to lend you a hand and offer some ideas to cope and eventually move on. I’ll also throw in some of my own anecdotes along the way.
Step 1: Feel everything. Let it out. Cry a ton. It’s okay to get upset and feel bad for awhile. This is essential to the healing process. Give yourself time to think about what just happened because it’s hard to come to terms with. I know it’s hard to feel this way, but it’s better to cope with the emotions right away. If you push them away, they’ll only come back to haunt you later. I recommend listening to Hello by Adele. Belt out the lyrics in the shower. Express how you feel. You have a right to feel upset, angry, confused and everything in between. Other songs that help include White Horse and You’re Not Sorry by Taylor Swift.
Step 2: Watch a lot of Netflix. For me, after getting dumped, I watched Parks and Recreation. I’m pretty positive I got through 3 seasons in less than a week. Pick something you enjoy and stick to it. Maybe you’d enjoy knitting or a coloring book. There are endless possibilities of easy activities that will occupy your mind. Also, listen to music that your ex doesn’t like. That’s fun to do. I did this by listening to country music. No one I’ve dated has ever understood my love for Luke Bryan or Miranda Lambert.
Step 3: Leave your house. Try to participate in social activities to the best of your ability. It took me awhile to feel okay again. Start by reaching out to a trusted friend or family member. Talk to somebody about the breakup. As much as it sucks to rehash it, you’ll ultimately feel better. This was the case in telling my friends, roommates and family members about what happened. I can guarantee someone else you know has been dumped before. I remember going to get a teeth cleaning at All Smiles Dental. The hygienist told me about a hard breakup she went through in her early 20s and how joining a women’s soccer league helped her feel better. Yeah, you might not feel like socializing, but, you can do it gradually. Don’t dive headfirst into the water, try dipping your toes in first.
Step 4: Learn how to be okay with being on your own. You’re never completely alone because your friends and family have got your back. I remember telling my brother about a past breakup and he said “Well, he’s really stupid.” Hearing that made me feel better. Find activities that you can do as a single girl. For me, that meant reaching out to new people in the city who are also Columbia students. I took the initiative to participate in Chabad and Hillel events. A supportive community is a great thing, religious or non-religious. Try joining a sports team or theater group; there are endless possibilities.
Step 5: Yay! You’ve survived. I’m really happy for you. This is the point when you start to feel like yourself again. Still, make sure to acknowledge your feelings if you ever feel sad. I wrote in my journal a lot and it’s made a huge difference. You could talk to a counselor too. If you’re a college student, these services are often free. I want to warn you that a lot of things will trigger previous memories. This definitely happened for me. Go somewhere different, find a replacement. You are a fantastic, amazing girl who will go far in life.
To end on a good note, I have a fun image of Leslie Knope and her breakups:
*Image found on Pinterest, not my own